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Totally Broken and Still Called

1/18/2021

 
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It was a simple phrase but it stole a thousand unclaimed moments in my thoughts yesterday. My pastor said it after the sermon was long over in the after sermon discussion on suffering. He said, “I’m totally broken and still called.”

Oh, the lost time I’ve spent seeing myself as one who needs to be benched for a season over my flaws, the broken parts that need fixing, useless unless God changes me. But, that is not the truth. I am called and I am broken. I am called and in process. I am called and I still have doubts. I am called and completely inadequate for the calling. 

There is a quiet beauty in brokenness. Sometimes the broken pieces of me shine the brightest light on Jesus as Savior, Healer, and Friend. 
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Feeling grateful today that I don’t have to be set aside before I get to step into all I am called to be. 
- That’s All

Life is not Fair

1/7/2021

 
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Raising four kids, born in a five ​year span of time, is my best bet for receiving an award. I have not decided if it is an award for courage and bravery or merely a survivor award. But, I do feel an award is appropriate. As I might consider an acceptance speech for such an award, it would be full of the mantras I repeated over and over again to each of my children from the time they were finally in pull-ups all the way through to them having their own families to raise. I have heard my self say these same statements under my breath to no one in particular during the year 2020 with a world wide pandemic, political unrest and upheaval, and the rise of the most heartbreaking pieces of humanity with human trafficking, opioid abuse and homelessness. 

But, one of such mantras rises above all the others. Life is not Fair. Life has never been fair and it never will be fair. Like a five year old whose ice cream cone landed upside down in the dirt, you can scream at your sibling who is still licking the deliciousness on top of a cone, “It’s not fair!” But it won’t fix a thing. As a mom I can step in an demand that the ice cream endowed child give half of his cone to the one whose ice cream is rapidly melting in the dirt. But, that is also not fair. I can give you 10,000 similar scenarios that range from one child having better math skills and receiving accolades from simply having better mathematical aptitudes to one falling out of the back of a pick up truck and breaking their arm and requiring multiple surgeries being forced to hang out indoors while the others all play outside. As parents if we worked to teach fairness we could never ever level out the scales. Instead we taught empathy and kindness.
 

Back to the ice-cream. If mom or dad steps in and cuts the whole cone in half and the one sibling who managed to exercise some skill in walking and licking a cone at the same time loses half of their ice cream because another sibling tripped, it will not endear one sibling to another. Nope, I likely caused a bit of resentment and division. If, on the other hand, I helped the lucky one see how it might feel to walk along without ice cream there is a chance they will decide it would be much better it would be to share than to be stared at with longing eyes of your sibling as each lick is taken.
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I see a country fighting for fairness and a demand that our government make it fair. It won’t work and every parent knows this to be true. Fighting for fairness causes division, resentment and bitterness. Fighting for freedom raises up everyone in it’s reach. 
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In a free society justice rises, empathy rises, the pursuit of happiness rises. In a free society innovation rises, industry rises and education rises. And in a free society we have a fair shot at one sibling not only sharing his ice-cream cone but also designing a better cone where ice cream doesn’t topple off of the top with a little stumble.
 

That’s All, Gwen

Loved By God

10/19/2020

 
What is it about us that we default to viewing ourselves as pitiful creatures? We see ourselves as so pitiful that no one else but a merciful God could ever want us? My niece adopted a cat from the humane society. This cat was really ugly. It had a broken tail, it was way to skinny and had gunk running out of its eyes. She couldn’t take her eyes off that pitiful creature. She knew if she didn’t take the cat that it would likely go un adopted and  have to be euthanized. She rescued that creature. Now, it is true that God rescues us too but, not because we are pitiful.  He rescues us because He created us with such beauty and splendor that He can't stand the thought of not having us. He desires eternity with each of us. It is hard to even say it outloud, but, He is wowed by ME! He not only finds me attractive but I am one of a kind! I was created to perfectly exist in a deep abiding love relationship with the God of the universe!!! I AM CHOSEN, LOVED, PURSUED, WORTH FIGHTING FOR, BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, AND WORTHY. 
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone."​ - Marianne Williamson

God’s jaw drops in amazement with Himself at the wonder of how He created each of us. THE INCARNATION OF GOD IN YOU AND ME ISTHE ULTIMATE GLORY OF GOD! And God would stop at nothing, even the death of His beloved son Jesus, just to have a crack at an intimate love relationship with US!


(ok to cry right here! That is a big truth that is hard to absorb.)
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If I were Satan, this is How I Would Destroy You as a Disciplemaker

4/28/2015

 
If I were Satan and I wanted to stop Life in Christ for Every Alaskan and the World Beyond, I would go after you, a child of God, and disable your ability to make disciples. This would be my strategy:

1. I would convince you that you had nothing to offer. I would whisper in your ear that you are not enough. Your life is too messy. You have too far to go and your life is not worth imitating. I would skew the Word of God that tells you that you are more than enough in Christ Jesus. His best, or the miraculous stuff, is reserved for better people. Jesus can’t fully live His life through you. You can only settle for His pity. You are a great spectator, accept it. Never reproduce life change, you can’t, you simply are not enough.
​2. I would cram your schedule full of all kinds of really great and noble things. Each and every time you tried to lighten your load; I would fill your heart with guilt. I would slay you with the responsibility complex that tells you are too important to quit anything. I would make you believe there is no way to carve out time to do the one job Jesus tells you to do, make disciples. I would cause you to believe that your busyness is "only for a season." But, your seasons of busyness would never end. You will live your life reacting to the next urgent matter rather than responding to the call of God in your life.

3. I would give you a false sense of intimacy that is absent of true discipleship. I would make you believe you don’t need anything more than a small group or a Bible study class and Sunday morning church attendance to be a full disciple of Jesus Christ. I would make you think that more Biblical knowledge and robotic obedience is the answer. You would have just enough relational connections to take the edge off of your longings for intimacy and to rid you of deep loneliness but, nothing more. I would do whatever it takes to keep you from any real heart to heart friendships where you are fully known or fully know anyone else.
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4. I would tell that you don’t need help. I would love for you to see yourself as capable, independent and self-assured. You have what it takes to get the job done…all by yourself. I would even go as far and making your first attempts at making disciples and leading others to Jesus so easy that you would believe your own press. I would tell you that God needs you. You are special and if you don’t do it, who will? I wouldn't want you to believe the truth that you can do nothing without Jesus. I would hide your need from you at all cost.

5. I would make you so afraid of the corrupt world that you retreat into a Christian bubble. I would isolate you into little pockets with other followers, so afraid of corruption that you would never mingle with the lost. I would make you paranoid that your kids will be sucked away into corruption. I would want you see the lost as evil instead of those God has made in His image. I would exchange your heart of compassion and grace and give you a heart of judgment.

​The truth is this; I would only need to harm you in one of these five areas. If I can succeed in just one little area, you won’t reproduce yourself in the lives of others. Your children won’t see the true gospel incarnated in you and your church won’t ever get to benefit from the gifts God gave you to build up the body. You won’t experience the full joy of being on mission with the God of the universe. You will live small.

Five Ways to Wreck Your Kids

2/17/2014

 
1. Champion good behavior over honesty.
Show your kids that following a list of good behaviors makes them good people. The truth about what is going on in the heart doesn't matter as long as they perform well. When your kids actually show up with the truth, no matter how awful, manipulate, punish and coerce them back in to good behavior so that they will learn that the truth is something to hide at all cost. They will learn that God only cares about doing over being and that being honest with God will make Him disappointed.
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2. Define your worth as a parent through your child's successes and failures.
f they fail, tell yourself that it is because you are a failure as a parent. If they succeed, well...you are amazing at parenting. If your success and failure is tied to the success and failure of your children, it will make you controlling. Kids with controlling parents rebel. It might be outward open rebelling or the inward quiet rebellion. But rebellion is rebellion, and they will resent you as a parent.
 
3. Make spiritual community optional.
This is an easy one. First, in your own life, make spiritual community less of a priority. Choose your own individual spiritual expression, like Bible studies, over participating in the family of God as a family. I would urge you to blame the church for becoming irrelevant and no longer enticing to you or your family. Complain that your needs are not met in the way you would like for them to be met. Your kids will get the message that the church is there to serve them. If they don't feel serve, they don't need to engage. Continually criticize church leadership in front of your kids. Trust me, nothing drives them away faster.
4. Believe that Your child is special.
They always deserve a prize. Shower them with unwarranted praise. Always take their side in any conflict. Continually reinforce that the current conflicts are not their fault. It's always the other persons problem.
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5. Put your child's happiness above your marriage relationship.
Make lots of sacrifices to make sure your kids get the very best of everything; education, sports, clothes, friends, and awards. Don't believe that Happy secure kids come from happy secure marriages. Put off your spouse to pour into your kids. They will soon see themselves as the center of the universe. Their appetite to take even more from you will be driven by the insecurity they feel about their parent’s relationship. That relationship will no longer be their safety net or rock to which they are anchored.
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If you already wrecked your kids through these strategies, it is not too late to change your mind and go a different direction. Simply, pull them aside and REPENT. Turn to the one functional parent your kids have, God. Let him do what He does best and make all things new.
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