Five Ways to Wreck Your Kids

1. Champion good behavior over honesty.
Show your kids that following a list of good behaviors makes them good people. The truth about what is going on in the heart doesn't matter as long as they perform well. When your kids actually show up with the truth, no matter how awful, manipulate, punish and coerce them back in to good behavior so that they will learn that the truth is something to hide at all cost. They will learn that God only cares about doing over being and that being honest with God will make Him disappointed.

2. Define your worth as a parent through your child's successes and failures.
f they fail, tell yourself that it is because you are a failure as a parent. If they succeed, well...you are amazing at parenting. If your success and failure is tied to the success and failure of your children, it will make you controlling. Kids with controlling parents rebel. It might be outward open rebelling or the inward quiet rebellion. But rebellion is rebellion, and they will resent you as a parent.
 
3. Make spiritual community optional.
This is an easy one. First, in your own life, make spiritual community less of a priority. Choose your own individual spiritual expression, like Bible studies, over participating in the family of God as a family. I would urge you to blame the church for becoming irrelevant and no longer enticing to you or your family. Complain that your needs are not met in the way you would like for them to be met. Your kids will get the message that the church is there to serve them. If they don't feel serve, they don't need to engage. Continually criticize church leadership in front of your kids. Trust me, nothing drives them away faster.

4. Believe that Your child is special.
They always deserve a prize. Shower them with unwarranted praise. Always take their side in any conflict. Continually reinforce that the current conflicts are not their fault. It's always the other persons problem.

5. Put your child's happiness above your marriage relationship.
Make lots of sacrifices to make sure your kids get the very best of everything; education, sports, clothes, friends, and awards. Don't believe that Happy secure kids come from happy secure marriages. Put off your spouse to pour into your kids. They will soon see themselves as the center of the universe. Their appetite to take even more from you will be driven by the insecurity they feel about their parent’s relationship. That relationship will no longer be their safety net or rock to which they are anchored.
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If you already wrecked your kids through these strategies, it is not too late to change your mind and go a different direction. Simply, pull them aside and REPENT. Turn to the one functional parent your kids have, God. Let him do what He does best and make all things new.